etraya | voice | un: vsmith

Ah, ah, always so defensive. Overcompensation is truly the last refuge of the inadequate, I suppose. Why does it bother you so much to hear me speak on it, if you're so convinced I'm a pitiful fool who knows nothing? There's never been anything stopping you from walking away.

[He lowers his voice, then, like he's imparting a precious secret.]

But I don't think you can, actually. You need to get under other people's skin to prove to yourself that you're right, that they're beneath you. You need them to get upset and lose their composure. All of this to run away from the fact that faith and certainty are mutually exclusive. To hide your fear that your faith won't be rewarded, that your God doesn't actually care about you, that your death won't grant you any of your goals or desires, after all.

So who is truly pathetic? The one who knows nothing, or the one who can't stop arguing with him?

Edited 2024-11-20 12:11 (UTC)

You didn't answer any of my questions.

[ There is a smile in his voice. His tone shifts to something sympathetic. It doesn't bother him to hear a faithless man tell him about his faith.

He sighs as the warm tone continues. ]

You're afraid of facing something and so hiding away like this. It's okay. Whatever you're afraid of won't hurt you here. Or perhaps it is.

Because you can't face it.

But either way, you have the time to figure it out and I hope that you can because you are so miserable being unable to face your pain.

Mm, you never really answered mine either. But please, carry on with your childish attempts to bait me! Surely if you bash your head against the wall enough times, it'll work eventually, right? I have faith in you~♥

[Did he use the word 'faith' on purpose, there. Maybe a little bit.]

Edited 2024-11-20 13:26 (UTC)

Are we going back to rubber and glue? I suppose that's what's left.

I'm sorry that you can no longer hear sincere sympathy towards another person. Because even you, I feel sympathy for... an unfortunate habit that I've picked up.

Either way, the fact you are the way you are... means that you've found a reason to keep living. It probably means you've realized the futility in it, or simply found something more than your pain to hold onto life.

Either way, it's good. I'm happy for you.

Cherish the reasons why you want to live, but I guess... it may just be you're away from what hurt you and can no longer think about it. There's so much else to think about than that... and perhaps, it wasn't important enough to think about at all.

Edited 2024-11-20 14:08 (UTC)

Are we? You've been doing it from the start, ever since you didn't want to think about the possibility you might not truly be dead to begin with.

[Eat shit. :) But Dazai still smiles, even though it can't be seen over audio.]

There's nothing sincere about you at all, save your dedication to trying to have the last word. I never actually said anything about killing myself to begin with, only that I'd been stabbed~

[Not in this conversation, anyway. Sure, he never denied it, and it's all over the network in other threads of his, but Vincent would then have to admit to "stalking a loser" to know that.]

The rest was an assumption you made for your manufactured pity, to deflect from the fact that you are alive and can't return to finish becoming a corpse--that what you want most has been snatched from your jaws, and you may never have the chance to get it back!

So I'll ask again -- which of the two of us is really pitiful, here?

Edited (wording nitpick) 2024-11-20 14:23 (UTC)

No, it's probably was when I asked what you're searching for in wondering about my death.

I'm curious about it, but it seems like I'm not going to find my answer.

That's unfortunate. But whatever's hurting you, whatever you're too afraid to confide in someone that you must lash out at others about it, you're far away from it now. You'll never have to see or think about it, again, if you don't want to, so why are you?

It might be something precious but in the end, it's probably nothing but trash that's holding you down, if you can't even properly face it.

I can face what ails me, because of my faith and belief. What do you have to hold you up? I hope you've found something like that here... perhaps, that's the only good thing about being here. Giving people that had no support support since all we have is each other.

[Saccharinely:]

I tooooold you already, I wanted to know for science! You were the one too suspicious to believe that~

[He chuckles.]

Or maybe, too desperate to find an angle to condescend from, so you could put on this performance. Tell me, do you have any experience with community theater? Oh, or maybe ... could you secretly be a TV star?! I bet you've won a Daytime Emmy or two in your day, right?

[He gasps, suddenly, as though he's just had a flash of insight.]

Don't tell me -- is all this corpse business really just to cover up spoilers about an evil twin?!?!

You did, and you're right that I don't believe you.

I guess we can believe that it is just trash, then.

I'll accept that in my heart and we'll call it good.

Noooo come on, don't just leave -- I've never had the chance to meet a method actor like this! I promise I won't leak anything to the paparazzi...!!

I'm not leaving.

I'm just done with that topic.

What do you want to talk about now?

Wow, the NDAs they make you guys sign must be really intense, if you're still worried about them here! That's such a shame...

[A protracted siiiigh.]

Well, if you really can't reveal any more about this "dead" fanatic character of yours, at least tell me how you got your start in show business! Did you participate in your school play growing up, or was it more of a 'discovered in a coffee shop' situation as an adult?

[Dazai has never met a bit he won't commit to, alas,]

I am not a fanatic! Don't lump me in with those --

[ He holds his hands out. Whatever.

He knows he isn't crazy. ]

I don't feel you care but I was an orphan so I am afraid no school plays.

[ A dismissive tone. Because his parents deserved to due. Whatever. At least they stayed dead. There are worse things to happen to insane people. ]

voice | un: vsmith | spoilers SH3

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