UN: LethalProtector | Video

[decodex]

—course this is us, man. We did this. Oh my God, how the hell did we do this? ...Now? We're live now??

( featuring a very frazzled-looking eddie brock with an egg-totting baby björn strapped to his chest and an absolute fuckload of baby chicks chirping behind him. who is he talking to? don't worry about it. now that he's certain that he's got the camera rolling, he's talking to you, the audience. )

Hey, yeah, uh—

( nope, he didn't script this out. )

I'm pretty sure there are chickens now. Here. In this place. Our— My chickens. Sorta. Like, not really mine, but... they came from my world. I think. Like, I think I brought them here.

( there's so much going on this holiday season, man. )

If you find one of these little guys, you can... I mean, you can keep it, if you want. They're sorta turning up everywhere.

But you can bring it back here.

( no, he doesn't know what he's going to do with three hundred baby chickens, but one problem at a time. )

Comments

[nobraincell]

Lunch, eventually.

[A few chirps sound in the background.]

[decodex]

....

( let him wrestle with that for a second. )

You know, if you let the chick grow up a bit, you'll have, like, so many eggs. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all right there.

[nobraincell]

....How long of a wait is that?

[decodex]

I dunno. Few months, maybe?

[nobraincell]

That's a good while to wait for food.

[decodex]

You wanna have one tiny little chick now, or a hundred eggs later?

I think there's a proverb about that somewhere...

[nobraincell]

[...A hundred eggs.....]

I can wait.

[decodex]

And a cute little friend to go with them.

( he saved one (1) chick!! )

voice UN:definecat

[definecat]

You can't eat Dorothy!

[nobraincell]

...Dorothy?

[definecat]

The chickens. They're all named Dorothy.

[nobraincell]

All of them? Aren't they different chickens?

[definecat]

Makes it easier to try to get them to come when you call if you only have to use one name.

[nobraincell]

I never heard of people teaching chickens to come when called. Are they calling them to the kitchen?

[definecat]

Usually it's because they've wandered or are in danger.

[nobraincell]

So naming your food has a use...

[definecat]

Nobody is eating Dorothy! Any Dorothy!

[nobraincell]

But why not...?

[They're chickens!? He doesn't understand...!]

[definecat]

Because they're not food chickens, they're free from that now. You can get chicken from the bot shops without having to kill Dorothy.

[nobraincell]

[Free chickens...well when you put it that way—]

I suppose that's true. If Dorothy isn't a food chicken... [Not that he hasn't eaten non-food cows before but] It's free from its bonds, so I'll let it go.

[definecat]

You really should just bring it back to factory where it will be safe, or if you still want to keep it. Chickens can be fun pets.

[nobraincell]

What's a factory? I never had a pet before...

[definecat]

What kind of world are you from that you don't have pets or factories?

[nobraincell]

We have pets, I just don't have one personally...