un: jMan93 | video

[critpei]

[ The video starts with a boy in a baseball cap, wearing a bright grin and lifting a hand in greeting. An I-come-in-peace kind of greeting. He's in his bedroom, sitting on his unmade bed and while his room isn't messy per se (he hasn't been here long enough to accumulate a mess), there are a few shirts haphazardly draped over the back of his headboard. ]

S'up, Etraya? The name's Junpei Iori! I'm pretty new here. Still getting the lay of the land and all, but uh...

[ He rubs the back of his neck, glancing past the camera for a moment. ]

My birthday's on the 16th. Which I guess is operation day? So I'm thinking of celebrating early. Anyone wanna maybe...hang?

[ God. That feels so pathetic. Like coming on here and pretty much announcing he's a friendless loser. Junpei quickly pivots: ]

Or I guess you could just give some recommendations of good places to check out and party it up? What place has the best food or where can a guy get a good cake...that kinda thing? Yeah, sure. I can probably go find somewhere on my own, but the best reviews are usually word of mouth!

[ Junpei shifts, palms planted on his knees as he leans forward. ]

Sooo, lay it on me, folks. Where would you spend your sweet seventeen in this place?

Comments

[joke_o]

It's a beat-em-up, actually. It's about when Misako and I started dating Kunio and Riki, where they got framed for a hit and run by the Sanwakai. There's definitely stuff in there that didn't actually happen - Riki would've had a fit if I'd been kicking guys while speeding down the highway on his bike, he takes bike safety real serious - but it's the broad stuff. I think. It's all kinda hazy in my head. My memory isn't that great.

[critpei]

That's so cool!! But also...

[ An eyebrow raises. ]

Doesn't it kinda weird you out a little that someone knows so much about your life to make it into a game? Even if they did exaggerate some parts?

[ Because Kyoko seems to be taking this like she takes everything -- in stride. ]

[joke_o]

Oh it's definitely weird, but then again, it's Skullmageddon.

[She gives a shrug as she says the name as if it were the most normal thing.]

Like, Lee-sensei says he's a former Intergalactic Warlord so, I'm guessing there's some weird space magic going on or something.

[critpei]

....

[ Genuinely Junpei has no words. Which is impressive because Junpei ALWAYS has words. Eventually he just shakes his head. ]

And here I thought it was weird to have a robot and a dog fight on my team. I think your world takes the cake, Kyoko-chan. But I guess that's a good thing. Probably nothing Etraya could throw at you that would surprise you at this point...

[joke_o]

River City does have a bunch of weirdos hanging around, but mister Skullmageddon is definitely the weirdest. He has a really cute dog though! ...even if the dog sounds like a person some times...

[She shakes her head to clear her head of that particular thought.]

I've always been difficult to surprise really. A lot of stuff stops being weird when you sit next to an 8 foot tall cyborg on the bus.

[critpei]

Eight feet tall???

[ And now even AIGIS seems normal by comparison. Man, imagine if she was eight feet tall!! How much ass would she kick out there in Tartarus?? ]

I don't know whether I wanna go visit your world or stay the hell away, to be honest.

[ He shakes his head in faint amusement. ]

But at least I can get a taste of it with that game of yours! Not gonna lie, though. Skullmageddon definitely sounds like a final boss or something.

[joke_o]

Eh, they're fine. They only pick fights on their turf. Any of 'em working in other parts of town or shopping or whatever don't throw punches. I know it sounds scary when I lay it all out like that but I promise it's actually very safe! It's just our group that attracts the brawls.

[She taps her chin with a finger trying to remember the story Jimmy told her about how the Lees met Skullmageddon.]

Yeah, I think he was for at least one of the adventures the Lee brothers went on. Back before Marian started training, he kidnapped her and since she was dating Billy-sensei at the time... I think, I was never really clear on who she was dating, but like there was a dojo that was actually a rocket, and then ninjas and mutants were involved somehow. Not sure I believe the bit about the giant plant with a shark and T-rex head on a couple of its vines... Honestly hard to tell what's real with Jimmy-sensei. He likes to exaggerate.

That said, the game is comparatively normal. Like, the most out there character is Misuzu, who is also about eight feet tall, but she's actually nice so long as she's not on hall monitor duty.

[critpei]

[ w h a t ]

...hard to tell what's real, she says.

[ The fact that ANY of it could be real kind of blows his mind. Whether this Jimmy guy exaggerates or not. ]

The good thing is you got no shortage of wild stories. I can't believe you got all this shit going on and still had time for sports, though. Geesh.

[joke_o]

[She shrugs.]

Yeah, Jimmy's version is the closest I could get to the real deal I think. According to Skullmaggedon's version, Marian turned into an evil wizard for a bit, and there was a heavy metal dimension or something. Pretty sure he was just making stuff up to sound cool there. ...Though he can teleport...

[She shrugs, moving on with the weirdness of her home town.]

It really is just a normal town most of the time. [...For a given definition of normal.] Stuff just kinda gets really intense for a day or two every so often.

[critpei]

I mean, I guess I can get that. Maybe? Kinda suspect even the guys me and my team gotta take down every full moon pale in comparison to your
intense day or two stuff. But otherwise, you totally lost me, girl.

[ He laughs a little. ]

Maybe you need to make a chart or diagram with all these branching stories? That'd probably make it easier to follow for guys like me. An idiot proof version! That's what we need. An idiot's guide to River City.

[joke_o]

[She grins and shakes her head.]

The best way to get things straight is just to experience it. I do kinda hope I can show you around sometime. I think you'd have a lot of fun!

[She cocks her head slightly and smirks.]

What's this about taking guys down every full moon though? You guys fighting some weird occult stuff?

[critpei]

Well, if Aurora can open up a portal to another world, it's definitely possible she could open one up to your world for us to visit. It'd be hella smart 'cuz it sounds like you could do some damn good recruiting for this mission shit from your place.

[ He pauses. ]

The guys we're fighting aren't really occult stuff, though. It's just monsters called Shadows. They're around all the time during the dark hour, but the big ones come around during the full moons. Maybe like the way tides get bigger during full moons? I dunno. I'm not the brains guy.

[joke_o]

[Kyoko just tilts her head with a blank expression on her face, most of what he said going over her head.]

I mean, you're fighting monsters that's kinda occult in itself. ...And what's this 'dark hour' thing?

[critpei]

[ Don't worry, Kyoko. It goes over Junpei's head too! ]

Oh! The dark hour is just an extra hour of the day no one knows exists. Most people are unconscious during it, but people like me who have a special power are awake and aware. This is when the Shadows come out and when we do our fighting! Soo it's not really daytime brawls for me and my team like it is for you guys!

In fact, no one even really knows we're fighting. But we're still out there doing our part and saving the world. Cool, huh??

[ Please think it's cool, Kyoko. ]

[joke_o]

[She listens in rapt attentive silence.]

Oooh! That sounds like the plot of a shounen battle manga!

[Why yes her eyes are sparkling like she'd just seen a shooting star.]

That's SO cool!

[critpei]

It DOES kinda sound like a manga, right? Or like....a video game! Maybe one day we'll find a video game about my adventures in the same place you found yours!

[ He is on cloud 9 right now. Thanks, Kyoko, for making this the BEST birthday ever!! ]

My team's called SEES. And everyone on it is freakin' badass! Maaan, I bet you would love hangin' with Yuka-tan. She's our healer, but also a total badass with a bow and arrow. And she loves shopping. I could definitely see you two hitting it off.

[ And probably making fun of him, but it would be okay! Because it would mean Yukari is here. He's really missing his team as of late. ]

[joke_o]

Oooh, I would play the HECK out of that game!

[She's practically bouncing in excitement.]

Oooh, she sounds like fun! Tell me EVERYTHING about them!

[critpei]

My team? Well! You got Sanada-san who is a badass boxing champion and gets right in there, punching the enemies straight in the face and yelling things like 'I've been WAITING for this!!' as we launch a full assault. Then there's Kirijo-san who's this fencing ice queen -- specializes in ice magic and kicks ass in her stiletto boots. Then Yuka-tan, of course. Bow and arrow, wind magic.

[ He taps his chin. ]

I think I mentioned Koromaru -- our dog who fights with fire and dark magic and slashes enemies with a little kunai in his mouth? We got a tanky fighting robot named Aigis...and it's so unfair because she is so cute, Kyoko-chan! Umm, and then Amada-kun just joined the team right before I left. He's this ten year old kid that I really don't think should be fighting, but the chairman approved it....so I guess it's alright? And that's it! That's the team.

[ Minato does not exist. ]

We're really something out on the field!