un: theball | text

[stresstokens]

Hey. Hope everyone's recovering from that stupid maze okay.

I'll just get right down to my point of inquiry. For a place that claims that we're meant to save the universe, I've noticed a pretty dramatic human-bias around here that strikes me as kind of odd, considering how diverse the universe actually is.

So I'd like to get a show of hands. Who here is from a world where humans are the only sentient species around, and who here is from a world with more than just humans kicking around? What other sorts of species are around? I'd like to know how much of it is selection-bias based on who's running this place and how much of it is them drawing from places that just don't have any non-human populations. I wouldn't mind hearing about what sorts of non-humans you have around either, but that's probably less important, statistically speaking.

Lastly... what do you see when you look at this picture?

[ Inserted is a photograph of a suave looking goblin man in a tuxedo with a pencil-thin moustache. He's holding a champagne flute towards the camera with his arm around -- something. If you've been infected by the curse, you'll see the goblin man's arm is around a black tabaxi woman, but if not, his arm looks as though it's simply hanging in mid-air. ]

[ OOC NOTE: due to the extremely low likelihood we'll ever get kalina in-game, the picture is just for flavour! if you'd like your character to be infected by the shadowcat and thus able to see her image in the photo, it would be due to any circumstance in which any of riz's bodily fluids were absorbed into their own body in some way, i.e. blood or saliva. feel free to handwave a circumstance in which that could happen, even if it's riz's blood lingering on one of the labyrinth's traps that then got into an open cut of theirs, a glass in the labyrinth he drank from that they then used, etc., etc.! Please see this comment for more information! ]

Comments

[stresstokens]

[ Willa... oh no, he recognizes that name. Tragedy: that nice girl you met is just as horny as the rest of your friends. ]

I really wish people would stop saying that

[ When he shows the picture? There's about a 50/50 chance someone will say that. ]

[infirmiere]

I meant he's a Dad I'd Like to be Friends with because he looks super cool like a secret agent but DILBFWBHLSCLSA is a mouthful

Was that a good recovery? Did I come back from that?

[stresstokens]

Unfortunately, being in high school apparently means I'm legally obligated to retain the knowledge that it actually means "Dad I'd Like to Fuck".

Which as an acronym is already weird enough without it being said about my Dad, specifically.

[infirmiere]

In your universe it means that maybe.

[ that is a solid recovery. ]

Who is the cat person?

[stresstokens]

[ Oh, shit. All thoughts on DILF status have now been derailed. This is much more important. ]

You can see her????

[infirmiere]

Yeah boi

Guessing that is not supposed to happen?

[stresstokens]

No. It shouldn't even be possible. You're from an entirely different plane than I am.

[ Fuck. He passed it onto her. He's the worst. ]

I think maybe

Somehow

I passed it onto you? It's a curse. Kind of. Curse-adjacent. It shouldn't have any ramifications here, not as long as the shadowcat isn't here too, but I'm really sorry.

[infirmiere]

No worries, kiddo

To be honest, a curse that means I can see a weird cat lady (no offense to other cat ladies) is not the worst thing I have had passed on to me. I've had cholera twice.

[stresstokens]

I have no idea what cholera is, but shouldn't you learn more about what I'm talking about before just shrugging it off like that? For all you know it could be really dangerous!

[infirmiere]

It's a terrible disease where you literally shit yourself to death.

If it would make you feel better, petal, you can tell me all about it so I have all the facts.

[stresstokens]

Oh.

[ She shit herself to death. Twice. He's not sure how to react to that. ]

Yeah, that does sound worse, actually. You know what? I'll tell you in person, or write you a letter. I'd rather keep most of the details off-network, just in case. But it probably won't come up unless she shows up, which I don't think she will. So. At least there's that?

[infirmiere]

Oh a letter please! Not that you aren't welcome at the farm, I just like letters

[stresstokens]

Okay, deal. Letter time it is.

Wait, farm? You live on a farm?

[infirmiere]

Not a working farm, it's only got a vegetable garden and some horrid chickens and a wonderful goat, but yeah. Cross the bridge closest to the hospital and it's the first thing you come to

[stresstokens]

Avoid the chickens, pet the goat. Got it. I'll leave it there for you by the end of the day.

[ And receive it she does. She doesn't get the true low down on who Kalina is and what her aim is, of course. But she gets the basics, written in tiny print crammed together, as though written by someone who's used to trying to use up as much of the sheet of paper as possible.

The curse of the Shadowcat is transferable through bodily fluids: saliva, blood, sexual activity. Once infected, the shadowcat can see through your eyes, hear through your ears, feel what you feel. It infects your eyes, ears, sinuses, throat, and spine. She uses this for reasons of paralysis, subterfuge, and intimidation. The Shadowcat is not specifically dangerous unless you are actively going against her Master's wishes, and as her Master isn't present, the danger she poses is likely negligent. Nonetheless, exercise caution and if she appears to you, simply agree to leave her be. What she's after is not your responsibility. ]

[infirmiere]

[ two days later a companion bot delivers a letter for him. her handwriting is a lovely, old-fashioned cursive, but he knows she's old as balls so probably that will not come as a surprise. there's also a muffin basket with cheesy courgette muffins and a gallon jar of creamy tomato soup.

the letter only says: ]

She sounds like a cunt.

xo Willa

PS: I don't know how goblins do with gluten so I made the muffins gluten free.