etraya | [UN: swordcandy

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[UN: swordcandy | Video]

Fuck it. Considering we're all stuck here until further notice, being heroic and shit, tell me where you would rather be and what you would rather be doing. I'll go first.

I want to be in a city full of coffins, making dinner for...someone. And myself. No one else. [Take that A-Qing. Take that Song Zichen.] We just finished a successful Night Hunt and we're tired, hungry but happy.

[Is it sad that these are his favorite memories? A city full of coffins, really?]

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[ Xingchen may or may not realize he has the setting on video in reply! ]

Does it have be an exact memory? If not...then...I suppose I would wish to be back on my master's mountain. With the...friends I have made since I initially left it.

[ With Zichen. A-Qing.

...Xue Yang. ]

[That works just fine for him~ He gets to see his Daozhang's cute face this way!]

... [His smile fades at the wish, though he should have expected it. He tries not to lash out, digging his nails into his scarred leg and letting the pain calm him.]

You mean away from me.

Edited 2024-04-11 10:46 (UTC)

[ If he still had eyes, he'd be blinking! As it is, his brow furrows in dismay at that statement and he shakes his head. ]

That...I...No.

[ He takes a breath and tries to start again, to make himself clear. ]

Do you know...how I thought of you in Yi City? My nameless friend. I see how hard you're trying. That is the person I would see on my master's mountain.

[The immediate reassurance - the emotion behind it - leaves him flushed. He barely dares to breathe; to think; to be. So he just listens.]

Daozhang... [His voice is hoarse.] I like being your friend. If I could be on your mountain with you...

I would go. Even...

Even with Daozhang Zichen there too.

[ He relaxes just a little when his message seems to be heard and believed. He doesn't quite realize he smiles, but the little smile is there, if a bit sad. Especially at the additional mention of poor Zichen. ]

You make me laugh. I think Zichen... [ No. He wishes. He doesn't know. And that makes his heart ache. ]

If I had a wish, it would be that we'd brought you with us after catching you that day. Instead of sending you off.

[He has no right to say Zichen's name. But he knows the man is dear to Xingchen and it's... It's important to include him. He never had the right to exclude anyone from his Daozhang's life.]

...you would've taken me with you? [He had assumed the pair saw him as nothing but a pest; that they had been glad to pawn him off on others.] Daozhang Zichen would've executed me.

[ Xingchen doesn't even feel worthy of saying Zichen's name. What had happened to the man because of Xue Yang's obsession with Xingchen is...horrible. But to forget him, to pretend it didn't matter, that's also something he can't do. ]

We should have. We would have, if they hadn't suggested taking you to the Unclean Realm.

[ His lips thin at the supposition and he shakes his head. ]

No. He wouldn't have. Not then. He would have tried to help teach you to do better, as I would have.

[He isn't worthy to say Xingchen's name either. But here he is, audaciously daring and being repaid for it with sweet Xingchen's attention.]

I'll tell you something, Daozhang. Someone wanted me out and so they orchestrated it. I'm not saying I'm not clever enough to break out of prison, but the Unclean Realm is dangerous even by my standards. Without help, even if you get out, you won't last long.

[The look brings a smile to his face.]

Let's see. What would be lesson one?

[ Be daring. Be silly. Xingchen can't resist them! ]

I believed they would treat you fairly though. Learn your reasons and how possibly to help you be a better person. I know...I was wrong now.

[ He doesn't let himself sigh audibly, though his head dips. Only to come back up at that question. His expression softens. ]

To meditate. But since you have a golden core, we can focus on exploring how that feels and how best to nurture it.

[Oh no, he can see where this is going!]

Daozhang... I might've been angry at you before, but I really don't give a rat's ass about any of that now. I got myself into that position and you were doing your best.

[So no apologizing. He feels like his heart might shatter if Xingchen does.]

Alright. I don't like meditating; you know it hurts for me to remain still.

[Healing from his injuries had been agony in more ways than one. When he's still, the demons of his past, of his actions creep up on him.]

[ His mouth snaps shut, clearly about to apologize! Someone knows this blind man a bit!

But he breathes, focusing, and slowly nods. It still feels like a failure. He hadn't been able to do more, hadn't realized what more he could have done until too late. ]

I know. I will stay with you every step of the way. All I ask is you try. We can look until we find something that works.

[Cute. Xue Yang watches Xingchen's image fondly, caressing it with his thumb.]

You expect too much of yourself. It's okay to make mistakes.

[Xiao Xingchen is young. Too damn young to take on the world and fix it. It's enough that he tries. That matters to someone like Xue Yang who had been treated like gutter trash.]

Huh I guess we feel the same way about each other. [Just try.] If you sit with me, it'll go better.

[ His cheeks pink at the gentle rebuke and he ducks his head. But he feels oddly warm. Xue Yang told him that. Only to then be told they feel the same way about each other. Xue Yang said he loves Xingchen. Does that mean...Xingchen loves Xue Yang too? Would he even know what that feels like? This is different to how he feels about Zichen.

Suddenly he feels he has to find the other man. ]

Where are you?

[He hadn't exactly meant...love. Of course he loves Xingchen, but he doesn't expect that love to ever be returned. What he had meant is that they should both just...try. Because if they don't, they are doomed to fail.

And, really, things have to change. Xue Yang knows that in his gut. He isn't a fool.

The idea of seeing Xingchen in person makes him jittery and he flushes harder.]

The...mm... The cafeteria. I can meet you anywhere though. Do you know your way around?

[ Love is precious. Xingchen doesn't want Xue Yang to regret feeling that way. ]

I'm learning...but...could you meet me back in...our room?

[How can he? For the first time, he has experienced actual, no strings attached kindness. He will love Xiao Xingchen until he dies.]

Of course! I'll be there in a few minutes.

[Quicker, actually, because he pushes himself into a run. A limping run. He skids to a halt at their door and opens it, a little out of breath.]

Xingchen.

[ Xingchen nods before slowly closing the connection. He sets out a few things, candles for meditation, but also kits to clean their swords. And tea. Well, the makings for tea. He hasn't yet mastered the manner of heating things here.

He hears the limp in that scurrying gait and it makes his heart lurch. He sets out healing lotion, too. ]

Your hip is bothering you again. Let me look at it?

[Xue Yang comes inside and closes the door behind him. He isn't willing to share his time with his Daozhang with anyone.]

Just because I ran here.

[But he goes to Xingchen obediently, regardless, checking on the man's blindfold.]

You haven't been feeling sad, have you?

[ He doesn't mind the door being closed so much now. Closing him in with Xue Yang - after all, they share a room again.

He feels his face heat a little as gentle hands check his blindfold, followed by the concerned question. Shaking his head a little, he smiles and takes just as much care in feeling over the old wound on that poor hip. ]

No. I'm alright.

Promise? [Their lives are entwined and, to his credit, Xue Yang is trying his hardest to make sure Xiao Xingchen is safe and comfortable. That includes checking on the poor man's eyes. Well. The eye sockets.

His hands smooth over the pale fabric of his Daozhang's blindfold and then he cups Xingchen's cute cheeks.]

We're both alright, then, and we will stay that way. I don't care what Aurora gets up to.

You know I'm a poor liar. [ Which isn't a bad thing, as far as he's concerned! He hates dishonesty.

He's noticed how hard Xue Yang works to be...better. It's hard to resist smiling at him. Softening towards him. And impossible to keep his heart from racing at the gentle hands cradling his face. ]

We will be fine. [ He will take better care of Xue Yang, too. To keep it unnecessary for the other man to sink back to the darker aspects of his past. ] Whatever is put before us, we will handle it.

I'm getting worse at it by just being around you. [His lies used to flow so easily, silky to his ears and the ears of others. But now he either ends up giving himself away by laughing or he just can't go through with it.

Everything about him softens when he is in his Daozhang's presence. He smiles at the reassurance and presses their heads together.]

Are you hungry? Or would you like to get some fresh air? I'll walk with you anywhere, Daozhang.

Good. [ The softening is clear, and he does his best to encourage those sharp edges to gentle. He nudges their noses together shyly, then smiles at the suggestions. That Xue Yang would even think to ask his opinion rather than dictate is a good thing! ]

Let's eat, then take a walk. No running. I'm right with you.

[Giddy laughter bubbles up in his chest and Xue Yang embraces the dear man. His smile almost reaches his ears!]

I would never run away from you. To you, yes. But not away! [He takes hold of Xingchen's hand, leading him to the door and out into the hallway.] You're so cute, Daozhang. I need to be careful or someone might steal you.

[ He leans into the embrace with a startled little breath, but the laughter doesn't feel brittle. Standing, he lets his hand be taken. Not because he really needs that guidance, but because it's...nice. His cheeks pink at being called cute and he shakes his head a little, but smiles. ]

Why would anyone want to steal me? I think you're teasing me again. [ Nut not maliciously, so he doesn't mind. ]

[Video] un: brightmoon

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