UN: DEEPYOGURT | VIDEO

[babyknife]

[Well, look at who we have here. You get no facial, just a man in a black and red suit looking dinged up but fine overall, the expression on his face teeters between wry indifference and a healthy dose of disbelief.]

Does Siri typically fly off the handle Sky Net style or is this total meltdown special? Just wondering. The AI where I'm from is a little more reliable and a lot less easy on the eyes.

Anyway, not sure where I landed but I landed on my coccyx. I hope this planet has masseuses willing to go below the belt.

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Loki | Video

[abit_ofboth]

[For reasons Loki can’t explain, this is his first time answering one of these things on video. Why he felt the need to deprive the citizens of this awful town from the beauty of his own visage is far beyond him. So is why he would ever be trying to save a timeline, let alone the whole damn multiverse, but that’s not something he can be bothered to think about right now. Especially with that annoying inner voice of his screaming that there is something very wrong happening here.

Loki is dressed in a smart black suit with a dark green shirt that was custom tailored for him. There’s a wicked smile on his face.]

Oh please, I highly doubt the AI where you are from is so superior. Word is even that Stark AI went rogue at one point and tried to take over the world. Though it did not do it with as much flare as I did, I’ll have you know.

I’m sure there are plenty of people willing to go below the belt, but you might have to take off your pyjamas… And pay a lot.

[babyknife]

See, now that just presents bold new possibilities for rogue software. If Iron Man can cock it up what does that say for the rest of civilization? The guy built a fully functional Mark One suit out of debris in a cave in Bumfuck Egypt, after all.

[Is that Loki? OMG hi, big fan. Not as big a fan as he is of your brother, but it's nice to see Loki's doing okay for himself somewhere in the multiverse. There weren't any Loki's in the wasteland so that speaks to his tangible reality or Asgardians in general. He didn't glimpse a single one.]

And correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't your flair just borrowed? Strategically? I mean, from the Chitauri, right? You can't really take full credit because that wasn't your army, that was something you picked up off Backpage dot com.

So, this bubble trouble has a monetary system?

Good to know. The suit stays on, it's form-fitting, and shouldn't impede the process.

So sorry for the delay!

[abit_ofboth]

I suppose it says that most humans are quite useless. I find it rather sad that someone such as Stark is seen as such a hero. It’s really a waste of his talents. [Truth be told, of all the Avengers, his brother included, Stark was his favourite. If he hadn’t opted to play for the good guys, Loki thinks they could’ve been fast friends.

Loki, of course, has no idea who Wade is. And he would be surprised to hear that he didn’t see any of his variants in the Void. He’d run into enough of them himself out there. Perhaps they were lucky and the President had bled to death after losing his hand.]

You think the Chitauri was my flair? [Loki breaks out into laughter at that.] Oh, I am afraid not. They were nothing more than an accessory. In fact, I think I would’ve done much better if I had attacked alone. [That last part is a full on lie. The real truth of it is that the real power came from the sceptre. Not that Loki is weak on his own, but back then he hadn’t fully realized just how powerful his magic is and would’ve stupidly done most of his fighting with his daggers, if not for the help from an infinity stone.]

Oh I see. So you are hiding something then. I wonder how long it will take me to find out what that might be?

[babyknife]

I wouldn't say it's a waste of his talents, but the alternative is black-market weaponry and casual genocide, so, we can agree to disagree. Since the genocide and the black market just keep on chugging along like the little engine that could.

Like you, actually! Being an unkillable being has its merits.

[ This one is something he can attest to firsthand, and where the void is concerned, they must have just missed each other. ]

Sure, but was that before or after The Hulk sham wowed you into the pavement of Stark Tower?

It's so the bad guys can't see me bleed and so that everyone else doesn't have to lose their lunch. Tricks are for kids.

I don't dabble in mystery.

[abit_ofboth]

Perhaps I am only annoyed as he took it so personally when I killed a few New Yorkers, and yet he has far more blood on his hands. [Really, as far as Loki is concerned right now, they made similar decisions and yet everyone loves Stark, and thinks Loki is some sort of megalomaniac. It is hardly fair.]

You are unkillable? [Despite all the superhero garb the man is wearing, that isn’t something Loki expected. After all, even he is not immortal. Not that he’s admitting to that.

It’s about a 50/50 chance on whether Loki is frowning because of the mention of the Hulk or because he’s trying to figure out exactly how this person would know that. Loki recalls quite clearly who was there that day and this man isn’t one of them. He can only come to one conclusion.] Tell me then, how long have you worked with the TVA?

Oh please, I am sure it is not that bad, but really, it is not worth my time. I do not care what you look like. [That is, at least in part, true. If this person is telling the truth and he’s all sorts of ugly or deformed, Loki hardly cares. What he does want to confirm though is that he isn’t someone else. Someone trying to trick him or worse. The only other person who has known so much about him is He Who Remains and if that is the case, Loki needs to find out and soon.]