un:dp | video

[fourthwalled]

[Wade pops up on screen in all his scarred glory, looking very excited about something.] Alright, listen up motherfuckers! I have a very important announcement! Way more important than our next mission or who's banging who-- although you feel free to give me that hot goss if you've got it.

We have a new arrival. She's the bestest girl and I expect you all to give her all the treats and kisses she wants! Be fair warned, she uses tongue. A LOT OF IT.

[Wade brings a dog into screen. But not just any dog. A dog that is so ugly she's adorable. At least, to him, she is! Mostly hairless, a long ass tongue that won't stay in her mouth, and bulging eyes. And yes, she's wearing a Deadpool uniform.]

Meet Dogpool! Mary Puppins!

Comments

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Honestly, most of the time I feel like both! This is more of a 'my identity got leaked to the press before I showed up here, and there didn't seem to be any point in a secret identity here anyway, so why not roll with it' kinda thing.

... Wait, wait, wait, hold up, important question: is 'Dogpool' Mary Puppins' secret identity? Does she have a little mask and everything?

[fourthwalled]

The press, man. They are the worst! One day they love you, the next they're all why did you shoot that guy in the head?!? So fickle.

Oh, it's absolutely her secret identity. She's got a costume with little booties. No mask though, but she's got a set of googles!

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Minus the shooting, yes! Completely agreed! Tony helped out and did some PR for me after the fact, but it was not a good time.

[ but more importantly: ]

... Ohmygosh. Doggles!

[fourthwalled]

Guess it pays to be buddy-buddy with a billionaire.

[Must be nice. He grins, though reaching behind him to pull something out of his pocket, fastening whatever it was to Mary, and a moment later showing her.]

Ta-da!

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Ohhhhh myyyyy goshhhhhh!!!

[ HELP, SHE IS OVERCOME WITH CUTENESS ]

Fashionista! She is an icon, she is the moment! She is the goodest girl!

[fourthwalled]

Finally, someone who gets it!

[You. He likes you.]

The bestest girl. And you get babysitting privilege's whenever you want them!