un:dp | video

[fourthwalled]

[Wade pops up on screen in all his scarred glory, looking very excited about something.] Alright, listen up motherfuckers! I have a very important announcement! Way more important than our next mission or who's banging who-- although you feel free to give me that hot goss if you've got it.

We have a new arrival. She's the bestest girl and I expect you all to give her all the treats and kisses she wants! Be fair warned, she uses tongue. A LOT OF IT.

[Wade brings a dog into screen. But not just any dog. A dog that is so ugly she's adorable. At least, to him, she is! Mostly hairless, a long ass tongue that won't stay in her mouth, and bulging eyes. And yes, she's wearing a Deadpool uniform.]

Meet Dogpool! Mary Puppins!

Comments

[fourthwalled]

Nah, haven't met my boo yet. But I'm sure it's coming soon!

[Aubrey Plaza is a baddy! So, he can't wait.]

No bargain though. I was dying and got desperate and let myself be horribly experimented on by a shadowy organization. Don't recommend it.

History? Who needs that? Who wants to learn from their mistakes? Gross.

[100more]

[ His boo? Hob is confused but he thinks that might be normal when speaking to Deadpool, so that's fine. ]

Experimented on? That sounds awful.

[ It's actually a fear of Hob's. One he's worked hard to avoid. As for Wade's feelings on history, Hob laughs gently. ]

I've plenty of students who would agree with you.

[fourthwalled]

[Most people end up confused when talking to him, so it's completely normal!]

It was. But I didn't die? And now I heal every injury. I even got ripped in half, once. Also blown up a few times. Shot... all the time. But I'm a mercenary, so these things happen!

[100more]

It must hurt, though?

[ Hob can't imagine it doesn't hurt when it happens. ]

But that does sound useful for a mercenary.

[fourthwalled]

Oh, yeah, hurts like a son of a bitch! But... I'm used to it?

[He's in pain pretty much all the time because of the scars, cancer, etc, but-- that's um, let's not talk about that.]