un: jaycetalis | video

[hexcope]

[If anyone hasn’t seen Jayce within the past few months, he looks quite a bit different. His hair is longer, he has a beard, and doesn’t seem quite as full of energy as he might have in the past. He’s also not dressing as uptight as he used to— a lack of vest and tie, exchanged for just a simple button up shirt. The background is once again S.T.A.R. labs, although he’s not trying to hide it this time.]

Hey, Etrayans. For those new to this whole thing, welcome. I’m Jayce Talis. For those who came from Pollux, also welcome. I can say with full confidence Aurora’s better at this than Castor is.

[Aurora probably won’t appreciate that comment, but whatever. He stands by it. But that aside…]

I’m putting out a call for fellow scientists to come together and work collaboratively on research involving what we know about Etraya, and more importantly, what we don’t know. This could also include strategizing developments to improve our lives here, and solving problems with our understanding in our respective fields. 


Something that we have here that we lack in our own worlds is the variety of perspectives. In my world, some of our greatest achievements are beyond what’s possible in other worlds, but we don’t have plastics or microwaves. Think of this as an opportunity for all of us to better ourselves, in this… transient existence we’re all stuck in.

Meetings would be here, in S.T.A.R. labs, every Thursday morning. No requirements if you want to participate other than an open mind, and a good attitude. No shooting down suggestions without hearing things out, and if you happen to have some sort of grudge against any of the participants here, you leave it at the door when you come in, or you’re not coming in.

[OOC: Feel free to threadjack around if you'd like!]

Comments

[hexcope]

I think that you're diminishing everything you've worked toward here by saying you have to follow the same path you had been on before getting here.

[levelshift]

And I think you're being overly optimistic.

I know I can be better than I was at my worst, but there's a ceiling. I can't become a good person, and I'm always going to be violent. Those are facts.

[hexcope]

Didn't take you for a fatalist.

[levelshift]

I prefer 'realist,' thanks.

[hexcope]

If you prefer being a realist, then act like one. You're acting like free will doesn't exist.

[levelshift]

Well, I can't pretend to be something I'm not. That would just be stupid.

[hexcope]

You don't need to "become a good person." You just need to not be a bad one. That takes intention. Choice.

[levelshift]

I know.

I'm fucking terrible at making that choice.

[hexcope]

So you'd rather say you don't believe in choice than admit you're just bad at it?

[levelshift]

I'd rather acknowledge my limits than disappoint people when I try and fail.

text > audio

[hexcope]

[He switches from text. This is something that needs his voice and tone.]

You think I don't get that? My whole life's been a series of failures. I know it's hard to get, but... you're going to disappoint people, no matter what you do.

You're denying yourself the chance to ever succeed if you give up before you even start.

[levelshift]

[Ugh, Accelerator prefers text. It's less personal than audio, which is probably why Jayce switched over.

Reluctantly, he goes along with it. He likes to think he's done alright so far, but the fact that Jayce is calling him out in a similar way Yomikawa did back home causes a sliver of doubt to enter his mind.]

Then what happens when you fail? You just get up and try again?

[hexcope]

You have to. As many times as it takes.

[His tone wavers on the second half.]

[levelshift]

[Accelerator notes that wavering, and frowns a little.]

Wasn't there ever a time when you didn't? Or at least didn't want to?

cw: suicidal intent

[hexcope]

[A drawn out silence.]

After I was arrested, my research confiscated, and sentenced to conservatorship. I was going to jump off a building. Wrote a letter to my mom. Left my bracelet with it so she wouldn't have to wash the blood off. I had it all planned out.

Viktor saved me from myself.

[Jayce exhales, like he's been holding his breath.]

It's not easy to keep standing sometimes. Right now at "home"- I'm at the bottom of a ravine, starving. Delirious with infection. Do you know how often I'm thinking of just letting it take me? How easy it would be? There's no one else around- it could all stop. I wouldn't hurt anyone again.

But then I'll never make things right. I can't let that be the end.

You want that too- to make things right, to be a better person. You wouldn't be running a city, dismantling what processes you can that abuses those kids. You wouldn't be trying to protect who you can, if violence was as much a part of you as you're saying it is.

cw: suicidal intent

[levelshift]

[There is an equal amount of silence on Accelerator's end as he listens quietly and processes the serious nature of what Jayce is telling him.

Shit. Holy shit. Feeling like a failure and wanting to give up is one thing, but he never would have guessed Jayce would have felt like that. That he would have planned it. That beyond the choice he never made, that he's in such a shitty state back in his own universe. That Jayce can talk about going through all of that, and still try to help him says a lot about the guy.

It's a lot to take in, and he reaches up to drag a hand down his face.]

Fuck. Is that why your leg is all fucked up?

[Kind of a rhetorical question, because the answer to it is obviously yes. Besides, that isn't the point of all this. The point is, Jayce gets how he feels.]

But how do you keep going when you're here? Back home you've got a goal, right? I've got my students and a role to fill. I still want to protect my students while I'm here, but that's irrelevant when violent shit like with Sleipnir happens. My role as Board Chairman doesn't matter, what matters is that violence and how I deal with it. Right? Being violent has always been the easiest thing for me.

[hexcope]

Part of it.

[Leaving out the part where his own giant stupid hammer- that he should really rename to Hubris- is the main thing that broke his tibia/fibula combo.]

We don't know what we're going to remember, if and when we go back. Right now, it's nothing. I didn't remember Etraya at all when I went home. I'm sure that's the case for everyone here. But when Echo ends this little experiment- what if we do take all our memories with us? Do you really want what haunts you here to haunt you forever?

[levelshift]

[..... Well, he never considered that possibility. He's silent for a few moments, thinking it over. Does he want more violence towards Sleipnir hanging over his head?

Eventually he sighs.]

I already have a lot of things I've done that haunt me. What's one more?

[Yeah, that response is edgy as fuck, but it's also true.]