Video | UN: Spidey

[keepitgoing]

[The easiest introduction in the world! Being that it's a, uh, re-introduction. Peter Parker Spider-Man has already confirmed he'd vanished for months — which is totally crazy, because he feels like he hasn't been gone all that long — but here he is! In all of his 'confused but has spirit' energy that had gotten him through his time in Etraya before.]

Hey guys, I'm back!

Just gone long enough to apply to, like, fifty barista and pizza guy jobs back home.

... Swinging around doesn't pay rent, y'know.

What'd I miss?

[He's perched on his tippy-toes, on top of one of the tallest buildings in Etraya.

As you do.]

Comments

[keepitgoing]

Oh man... Don't tell me he's another villain that's gonna pop up for me someday.

[He shakes his head, sighing.]

I guess nothing can top the Thanos thing, at least. You think that would really work on him?

I am so sorry for this

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Mmmmaybe? I talked him into hunting Gigantos for a while, and then he tried switching to wildlife conservation, and now he's kinda on sabbatical, working on himself. Just keep an eye out for a big hairy Russian dude wearing a lion vest, and you'll probably be fine.

[ ... Wait a second, she recognizes that name drop! ]

Oh, the big purple guy? You tangled with him too, huh?

Re: I am so sorry for this

[keepitgoing]

Well, I like a happy ending to villainy, so...

[A sigh follows.]

Is there a superhero that hasn't had to deal with Thanos before?

He was the actual worst.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Right? Super full of himself, too. Thinks he's a certified Cool Dude because he makes his own gloves. Big jerk was all talk.

[ She huffs an irritated sigh, though probably for different reasons than Spidey! ]

[keepitgoing]

[He laughs so, so weakly.]

Y-yeah... all talk...

[HE KILLED ME FOR FIVE YEARS!!!!!

... Among other more serious, horrific things he tries not to dwell on.

But he doesn't want to trauma dump on a squirrel lady -- that's just completely rude.]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ oh boy she just stepped in a conversational pothole, didn't she? Doreen doesn't know quite where she went wrong, but it's pretty obvious that this is not a fun subject for Spidey! Time to re-direct... ]

... I've gotta ask. Does your universe have a Paste-Pot Pete?

[keepitgoing]

A what-now?

[Are you about to distract him from dark thoughts with something crazy-sounding?]

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

[ you betcha! ]

Paste-pot Pete! He's a supervillain D-lister whose whole schtick is glue. Literally. Dude carries two giant glue guns. I think he calls himself 'Trapster' now to sound cool, but mostly he's known as 'The Guy Who Thought Paste-Pot Pete Was a Good Supervillain Name'.

[keepitgoing]

I... I...

Iiii mean — y'know, it's... unique? And someone easy to taunt in a fight.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he spends half his time being verbally dunked on. You'd feel bad for him, if it weren't for all the crimes.

[keepitgoing]

We gotta get him into better occupations.

He'd be a great spokesperson for a glue company.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Right? I'm pretty sure he makes his own supply, if he patented that stuff and sold it, he'd probably be set for life. But noooo, he wants to dress up in a goofy costume and do crimes.