un: Bachelor | text

[thantagonist]

Attention Fellow People of Etraya,

I am Doctor Daniil Dankovsky, Bachelor of Medicine. As I understand it, few of you have seen a doctor lately. That simply won’t do! Please, don’t wait to get sick to establish care. I am situated in the hospital, ready to take consent forms and make updated medical histories. At least a few of you have unaddressed concerns, I just know it. The average person comes to see the doctor when it’s too late! Though we cannot die here, there is no reason to suffer unduly.

And if you are otherwise healthy, perhaps think of it as helping me out. In the event of an outbreak, it is far more helpful to have complete clinical pictures of the inhabitants. Especially, as I understand it, there are many biological differences in this population.

Please come visit me during my clinic hours, every day from 10am to 6pm.


[What Daniil really wants is to meet more of the unusual inhabitants of Etraya more quickly as well as conduct casual interviews of the sort of people who are slated to save the universe. But he can’t just say that completely outright.]

Comments

[sonofzod]

That's right. But there's no reason we can't be friendly. You want to try your needles on one of us? Try them on me.

[thantagonist]

[A terrifying double edge. ]

[Dankovsky? Call me Damocles.]

I appreciate your bid to volunteer. Are you physically different in some way that would make it possible from the other Superman?

[sonofzod]

No. They won't work. But if you want to see for yourself, I'm willing to let you.

[thantagonist]

Does your culture not have needles, scalpels… Are you unable to perform surgery or autopsy? Unable to cut a cord after birth?

[sonofzod]

I wouldn't know. My home planet was destroyed before I was born.

[thantagonist]

That seems beyond belief with invincible flying men guarding it. Is that information lost to you as well?

[sonofzod]

No, it was destroyed by one of their own.

[ His father. ]

[thantagonist]

How terrible… For what reason?

[They move irritatingly away from his point and purpose. But he was just told to be more patient… so he may as well.]

[Not that this line of questioning is particularly soothing.]

[sonofzod]

If you ever find him, you can ask him.

[thantagonist]

I understand.

Still, I find it difficult to believe that any organic creature is so resistant. But you are willing to let me poke and prod you. Why?

[sonofzod]

Because you're not going to hurt me.

[thantagonist]

I’m a doctor. I don’t hurt anyone. A blood draw is typically a very safe and noninvasive procedure.

Though I now realize a race of aliens who never bleed may actually have a phobia of the very concept of a needle that could puncture them. Still, there’s more than blood. I appreciate your cooperation, Superman.

[sonofzod]

I'm not afraid of anything.

Just tell me when you'd like to meet. I have an abundance of time.

[thantagonist]

Right now would be just fine, then.

I’ll be waiting in the lobby.

[Unless Hernan beats him over there somehow. Daniil’s just upstairs, but. You know. ]

[sonofzod]

[ Hernan's certainly in no rush, but it still doesn't take him too long to get to the hospital. Seconds after Daniil's last message, in fact. He floats in through the front doors and lands when he spots the doctor. ]

Were you waiting for someone?

[thantagonist]

[For all the flying people had talked about, this was his first time actually seeing it. He takes a moment to marvel, there’s no way to be casual about it.]

[I wonder if I could convince my mother that Jesus had a goatee and a 50 inch chest if she saw this.]

[Daniil, by contrast, is a coathanger of a man.]

Hernan, I presume. Please come back to the exam room with me.

[sonofzod]

[ A coathanger that Hernan takes his time to appraise. Though he's certainly not listened to every human heartbeat, he's listened to enough of them to notice when there's something strange going on. But he decides not to comment on it. Instead, he follows Daniil to the exam room and doesn't wait to be offered a seat before he's sitting down. ]

So what exactly do you want to do?

[thantagonist]

An ordinary exam, whichever parts of it we can physically complete.

[Daniil opens his casebook. It’s full of photographs of patients, conditions, notes. Look. 1920 wasn’t known for its locked down security and patient confidentiality here.]

I’ll see if I can sort out how to complete exam when I think about it later.

[He said he wasn’t from Earth, and it’s likely he’s never had an exam. It would be reasonable to explain it to him.]

First, I will ask you about your lifestyle and go over any complaints you might have ever had. I take vitals. Then, the physical. You will remove your clothing for an exam. It requires me to look at you and touch parts of you. Then, I take samples. You can redress for this portion if it’s only blood, saliva, or mucous.

Do you consent?

[sonofzod]

Yes that's fine.

[ For a moment, he remembers Dr. Psycho. The grand promises he made to improve on something in Hernan. To make him better. At the time it seemed like a good idea. The end results, however, would beg to differ. Maybe he should be cautious here, considering he really didn't know Daniil, and if anything the erratic rhythm of his organs should be off putting. But he thinks there's nothing this man could do to hurt him. And if he did, well, all Hernan would need is a little sunlight. ]

But I have no complaints. I've never been sick.

[ Brutally maimed by a magical lion, shot to hell with red sun guns, stabbed with a kryptonite knife. But not sick. ]

[thantagonist]

Wonderful, then let us begin.

Hernan. Do you have a family name? And how old are you?

[Daniil sits on his tall, swiveling chair, long legs loosely crossed.]

[He notes that he’d never been sick, but he’s sure that he has been in combat. Just based on the other superheroes, honestly.]

[sonofzod]

[ The name his family gave him seems irrelevant in the context of a medical exam. He doesn't have their genetics, whatever would make them ill simply would not affect him.

Zod didn't seem very relevant either. Besides, he wasn't going to hand a random stranger something as personal as his Kryptonian name. ]

It's Guerra and I'm 40 years old.

[thantagonist]

[Silly man, Daniil just needs it for his files. They’re incredibly low tech.]

Do you drink? Smoke?


[Even if being Kryptonian is absolutely the most crucially useful information he could give Daniil.]

[sonofzod]

[ It's still too personal. ]

Drink? Yes. All the time. Alcohol doesn't affect me. I do not smoke.

[thantagonist]

Interesting. Why do you drink if it does not affect you? Simply partial to the taste?

[Danill doesn’t mind taking a winding path down to the point when it suits him. ]

[sonofzod]

I spent a long time pretending I was human. It helped me to blend in.

[ Hernan shrugs. ]

But I do like the taste.