un: Dankovsky | video

[thantagonist]

[Daniil posts live from a café near the museum. He has no patience for typing responses, and his own visage should explain why. His nose has recently been broken and reset. He looks exhausted and irritated, but he has a duty.]

I need a couple people to come down to the café near that absurd museum with the sewn up fruit exhibits. Bring a stretcher, we have a patient who could use some more urgent treatment.

[From somewhere offscreen, a voice that is distinctly not Daniil’s states:] This Etrayan shot me in an attempt to get information I did not possess. I would appreciate his removal from my presence.

Now- That’s not true at all. That is not the reason you were stopped. [Daniil now regrets making a video, but what’s done is done. ]

Comments

[p2iioniic]

ii can't tell you where iit ii2.
you 2ee, ii've heard human get addiicted two 2ub2tance2 very ea2iily.
2orry daniiiil but iit'2 for your own good.

iit'2 not really that me22y iif you ju2t do iit riight.
and iif 2omeone drown2 iin theiir own recuperacoon that'2 on them lmao.



ii can't tell you where iit ii2.
you 2ee, ii've heard human get addiicted two 2ub2tance2 very ea2iily.
2orry daniiiil but iit'2 for your own good.

iit'2 not really that me22y iif you ju2t do iit riight.
and iif 2omeone drown2 iin theiir own recuperacoon that'2 on them lmao.

[thantagonist]

Oh come on, you can tell me. I’m responsible. Of all people to trust, it should be me. I’m not an ordinary human.

How do you do it right? As if I’m imminently going to need to know how to do this.

[p2iioniic]

oh yeah?
what make2 you 2o 2peciial?
your abiiliity two infuriiate your fellow human2 wiith a 2iingle bullet?

2tep one: cliimb up to the top.
2tep two: 2liide iin.
2tep three: 2leep.
2tep four: wake up, climb out, towel off.
you'd have two be a real 2lob to get thii2 wrong.



oh yeah?
what make2 you 2o 2peciial?
your abiiliity two infuriiate your fellow human2 wiith a 2iingle bullet?

2tep one: cliimb up to the top.
2tep two: 2liide iin.
2tep three: 2leep.
2tep four: wake up, climb out, towel off.
you'd have two be a real 2lob to get thii2 wrong.

[thantagonist]

I’m a doctor. A licensed professional. That’s what’s do special about me.

Oh please, everyone can infuriate with a single bullet. I found have aimed much worse, and then everyone would be upset. Do you think anything happens if someone kills him? I suppose not, that’s the whole purpose of making him human, right? They wanted him vulnerable.

So… just like wiping water off, then?

[p2iioniic]

2how me your liicen2e.
you 2urely have iit on you, riight.
paper2, plea2e.

ii don't thiink anythiing happen2 iif we kiill him.
or maybe that guy who made hiim human would be pii22ed off 2iince he 2peciifiically diidn't kiill hiim 2o maybe he liike2 ca2tor.
maybe we 2HOULD kiill ca2tor ju2t two get 2cylla off that fucka22 tower whiich would make hiim ea2iier for u2 to collectiively jump hiim.

yeah except not gro22 liike water.


2how me your liicen2e.
you 2urely have iit on you, riight.
paper2, plea2e.

ii don't thiink anythiing happen2 iif we kiill him.
or maybe that guy who made hiim human would be pii22ed off 2iince he 2peciifiically diidn't kiill hiim 2o maybe he liike2 ca2tor.
maybe we 2HOULD kiill ca2tor ju2t two get 2cylla off that fucka22 tower whiich would make hiim ea2iier for u2 to collectiively jump hiim.

yeah except not gro22 liike water.

[thantagonist]

My papers? Ha, fine. It’s not my degree, but here. My travel document.

[He figures out the camera function easily enough and sends a combination printed and handwritten document with a black and white photograph of Daniil held by the corners. The information is written in cursive and the document is otherwise stamped and housed in a booklet. It lists his full name, marital status, birthdate, occupation, sex, residence. The photo is couple years old.]

I do have to wonder why he didn’t kill Castor when he seems keen on lobbing all of us into the meat grinder.

Sorry, how is water gross? Has all the water you’ve ever had been contaminated?

[p2iioniic]

wow you actually 2howed me them.
you are 2o lucky that there'2 no poiint iin 2tealiing your iidentiity here.

thiink about iit.
why would he hate u2, but not ca2tor?
we're out2iider2.
ca2tor'2 "from" here.

full of pii22y fii2h ii2 why.



wow you actually 2howed me them.
you are 2o lucky that there'2 no poiint iin 2tealiing your iidentiity here.

thiink about iit.
why would he hate u2, but not ca2tor?
we're out2iider2.
ca2tor'2 "from" here.

full of pii22y fii2h ii2 why.

[thantagonist]

What could you even do with my papers? If you want my job, I’ll let you have a crack at it.

I suppose we are outsiders. Most importantly, perhaps, the AI are Echo’s creations. I think he may have some fondness for them.

You don’t eat fish? You can drink the water too, though it’s really best to drink treated water.

[p2iioniic]

ii'd get iintwo your bank account and iinve2t all your money iintwo crypto.
ala2.
no crypto here.

that'2 2o moroniic two thiink about.
"here'2 my 2tupiid robot chiildren who ii made iidiot2 on purpo2e and now they can't even take care of the other people ii kiidnapped."

oh ii eat fii2h.
wiink wiink.
no waiit you won't get iit nevermiind.
anyway yeah no ii don't driink water.



ii'd get iintwo your bank account and iinve2t all your money iintwo crypto.
ala2.
no crypto here.

that'2 2o moroniic two thiink about.
"here'2 my 2tupiid robot chiildren who ii made iidiot2 on purpo2e and now they can't even take care of the other people ii kiidnapped."

oh ii eat fii2h.
wiink wiink.
no waiit you won't get iit nevermiind.
anyway yeah no ii don't driink water.

[thantagonist]

I don’t know what crypto is, but if you wanted the money from my bank you would need to go there in person. And I’m afraid they simply would not mistake us. I doubt you could accurately forge my signature either.

That is an interesting point. Did he make them stupid because it was the extent of his powers? Or did he get these from someone else? It truly reeks of someone requisitioning a piece of equipment that they have no experience with, if I may be so blunt.

I shudder to think what fish could be a euphemism for.

But I brought you a bottle of soda water. What did you mean to have?

[p2iioniic]

oh ii diidn't realiize you were old tiimey.

ii'm down wiith thii2 theory.
explaiin2 why they're all 2o weiird.
they're liike repurpo2ed offiice chaiir2.
and you guy2 got the niice one.
and we got the one with all the gum 2tuck two the bottom.

now'2 the tiime for me two come clean.
ii totally diidn't driink that 2oda water.
ii hiid iit in a cabiinet 2o you wouldn't know ii didn't driink iit.

ii wanted liike real 2oda.
anything wiith "hiigh fructo2e corn 2yrup."



oh ii diidn't realiize you were old tiimey.

ii'm down wiith thii2 theory.
explaiin2 why they're all 2o weiird.
they're liike repurpo2ed offiice chaiir2.
and you guy2 got the niice one.
and we got the one with all the gum 2tuck two the bottom.

now'2 the tiime for me two come clean.
ii totally diidn't driink that 2oda water.
ii hiid iit in a cabiinet 2o you wouldn't know ii didn't driink iit.

ii wanted liike real 2oda.
anything wiith "hiigh fructo2e corn 2yrup."

[thantagonist]

[And his handwritten ID card and black and white photo wasn’t enough of a tip off? ]

They’re probably farm or military equipment. Maybe even something for colonization. Intended to build out a large area with more direct supervision or input from someone.

Real soda-

Oh, yes! Wait, I had one of these: A soda fountain drink. You wanted a Coca-Cola? You know they hardly have any cocaine in them anymore. Gave me the jitters. Bracingly sweet.

[p2iioniic]

[ maybe daniil's a larper okay. ]

2o ca2tor'2 liike a tractor and unequiiped two take care of u2 becau2e we're liike piigeon2 and he ha2 made no biird feeder2.
thii2 metaphor ii2 gettiing away from u2.

oh well ii ju2t add my own cocaiine iin.
from you know.
the huge cocaiine piile.

[ He does not, but he's going to keep bringing it up as a joke. ]



2o ca2tor'2 liike a tractor and unequiiped two take care of u2 becau2e we're liike piigeon2 and he ha2 made no biird feeder2.
thii2 metaphor ii2 gettiing away from u2.

oh well ii ju2t add my own cocaiine iin.
from you know.
the huge cocaiine piile.

[ He does not, but he's going to keep bringing it up as a joke. ]

[thantagonist]

The metaphor has already gotten away, it’s passing into poetry and I simply cannot abide by poetry.

Okay so you won’t tell me where it is but I can make some deductions. It has to stay dry. Ideally sterile? How much cocaine are we talking about?

[p2iioniic]

eheheheh.
yeah poetry 2uck2.

oh ok let'2 make a game of iit.
you're riight iit need2 two 2tay dry.
two feet long, two poiint three feet wiide.
180 iinche2 deep.
ii'm 2ure you beiing the 2marty pant2 dr you are can fiigure out the volume iin cubiic feet.


eheheheh.
yeah poetry 2uck2.

oh ok let'2 make a game of iit.
you're riight iit need2 two 2tay dry.
two feet long, two poiint three feet wiide.
180 iinche2 deep.
ii'm 2ure you beiing the 2marty pant2 dr you are can fiigure out the volume iin cubiic feet.

[thantagonist]

I can’t believe you’re making me do this in imperial with a decimal and mixed measurements like that. Whatever.

2 feet long-
2.3 feet wide?
180 inches deep?

Fine. It’s 24 inches long, 27.6 inches wide, and 180 inches deep. The decimal makes me think that you either didn’t measure all that accurately, or you should have just used metric, because you have me talking about 119,232 square inches of cocaine, which is an utterly meaningless dimension to me. … Or it’s 69 cubic feet.

Drugs, including cocaine, are typically measured in weight or some volume that doesn’t make my skin itch.

Unless this is just what houses the cocaine- Then let’s make it less horrible. This is 61 cm by 70 cm by 457 cm.

The first thing that comes to mind is some sort of pipe. But a pipe typically has a regular circumference. 4.5 meters is too long to be most household surfaces. That’s a very strange size for any sort of dumpster, as well.

Is it housed entirely outdoors in this container, or within another room?

[p2iioniic]

ii don't know iif ii am 2ad you diidn't laugh at the 69.
or entiirely un2urprii2ed.

you're really fiiendiing for iit 2o a2 a reward ii wiill actually tell you where iit ii2.
no one can 2ay ii don't do you human2 any favor2.

[ He sends a picture of a map. It's actually the same map he had sent to Harold, with three locations circled on it. One, the library. One, the art museum, and the third, that had been undefined before for Harold-- is the cocaine pile. It's bigger than Sollux had described because he just wanted to do the funny sex number. ]



ii don't know iif ii am 2ad you diidn't laugh at the 69.
or entiirely un2urprii2ed.

you're really fiiendiing for iit 2o a2 a reward ii wiill actually tell you where iit ii2.
no one can 2ay ii don't do you human2 any favor2.

[ He sends a picture of a map. It's actually the same map he had sent to Harold, with three locations circled on it. One, the library. One, the art museum, and the third, that had been undefined before for Harold-- is the cocaine pile. It's bigger than Sollux had described because he just wanted to do the funny sex number. ]

[thantagonist]

Ah. Alright, I see it now. That’s a pretty good joke. I see now why the measurements were so absurd.

[He checks the location. Was it worth it to risk life and limb for this? He was loathe to cut further into the supply of lidocaine for his broken nose. This might actually bridge the gap. And it could be used legitimately for others to help stop a bleed and more.]

We’re hurting for medical supplies. This could come in serious use to stop bleeds or to be able to do certain procedures. God forbid if I need to do stitches inside a mouth this week.

[p2iioniic]

iif iit wa2 a good joke.
have a laugh.
type 'lol'

2ure whatever.
take a2 much a2 you want.
2nowflame'2 been dead for week2.



iif iit wa2 a good joke.
have a laugh.
type 'lol'

2ure whatever.
take a2 much a2 you want.
2nowflame'2 been dead for week2.

[thantagonist]

I don’t know what “lol” means.

haha

how’s that?

Who is Snowflame?

[p2iioniic]

ii wiill accept your haha.

oh ju2t 2ome guy.
2aiid the cocaiine gave hiim 2uperpower2.
ii thiink he wa2 ju2t really hiigh though.



ii wiill accept your haha.

oh ju2t 2ome guy.
2aiid the cocaiine gave hiim 2uperpower2.
ii thiink he wa2 ju2t really hiigh though.

[thantagonist]

How kind.

Likely. Cocaine makes people think they’re brilliant and invincible, but it usually just makes them annoying and gives them sinus infections.

I’m sort of surprised all of Pollux didn’t give up and just start doing it, especially the enforcers. It’s incredibly bleak out there.

[p2iioniic]

thank2.
ii know ii am.
B)

maybe everyone forgot about iit.
or maybe the people who knew about iit all diied except me.
not that he told me about iit per2onally.
ii u2ed two have camera2 all around the ciity before the electriiciity went out.



thank2.
ii know ii am.
B)

maybe everyone forgot about iit.
or maybe the people who knew about iit all diied except me.
not that he told me about iit per2onally.
ii u2ed two have camera2 all around the ciity before the electriiciity went out.

[thantagonist]

[On the concept of “ii”, the part of Daniil that is considering Sollux’s whole vibe and iconography wonders if he perhaps absorbed a twin in utero. He doesn’t know there’s no real utero to speak of here, but still.]

There is much to be distracted by. Perhaps that is for the best.

Cameras all around sounds incredibly useful. I wish I had such a thing to check on experiments. And my work station. I swear, the number of times someone has touched something on my desk even with explicit instruction not to truly boggles the mind. But that’s technology far beyond what I’ve ever had access to back home.

You know, we didn’t really even have electricity when I was a boy. Much has changed.

What will you do when this is all over? Getting back to normal may even be surreal.

[p2iioniic]

[ Daniil you can't just assume someone has an unborn twin. ]

diidn't even have electriiciity?
oh my god you're 2o old.
were you around when fiire wa2 dii2covered two.

beliieve iit or not thii2 ii2 not the mo2t 2urreal thiing that'2 ever happened two me.
2o ii thiink ii'll be fiine.
a22umiing we don't all fuck up iit up and diie.
ii'll help bury the dead 2o the human2 can have theiir corp2e partiie2.
probably level that buiildiing the murder game2 are beiing ho2ted iin.
and dependiing on how the new AII goe2.
we'll 2ee iif they need coddliing.
and then ii'm goiing two lock my2elf iin my room and not come out for 2 week2.



diidn't even have electriiciity?
oh my god you're 2o old.
were you around when fiire wa2 dii2covered two.

beliieve iit or not thii2 ii2 not the mo2t 2urreal thiing that'2 ever happened two me.
2o ii thiink ii'll be fiine.
a22umiing we don't all fuck up iit up and diie.
ii'll help bury the dead 2o the human2 can have theiir corp2e partiie2.
probably level that buiildiing the murder game2 are beiing ho2ted iin.
and dependiing on how the new AII goe2.
we'll 2ee iif they need coddliing.
and then ii'm goiing two lock my2elf iin my room and not come out for 2 week2.