text; un: appleaday

[unaliveyourself]

goooood morning, etraya ♥

[does it even count as morning, the timestamp reads 4:27 am, what the fuck dazai.]

it's come to my attention that tatianna-san's last quest before the eggs was never actually completed! it seems like a shame to let all our hard work go to waste [those were some top-tier lies he came up with, alright, some of his best efforts!] so i was thinking it might be helpful to come up with a questionnaire to hit the ground running (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

you can answer as many or few as you like, and remember: no pressure to be honest! we're aiming for gossip, after all~

1. do you like pineapple on pizza?

2. define 'sandwich'

3. has being here affected your powers in any way?

4. how do you pronounce gif?

5. would you confess your love with a boombox and cue cards like in love actually?

6. are you or anyone you know here dead in your own world? how can you be sure?

7. would you lick a doorknob in a public bathroom for a million dollars?

8. do you truly believe our worlds are in danger, or that echo will save any of them?

9. who's the hottest person in etraya?

10. if your world was to be destroyed but you could spend one last day there, what would you do?

Comments

@DarkPriest; Text

[chtholic]

Wait, what quest? Who is Tatianna?

[He's not interested in answering any questions until he knows what the hell this guy is talking about. Also ignore the fact he is also up at 4:30am, it's not important.]

[unaliveyourself]

[This isn't even sensitive information, but Dazai is going to be difficult about it, because he's Dazai.]

hey now, it's very rude to come in here and just ask your own questions, you know!!

[chtholic]

Only a fool would answer personal questions for an unknown element. If you wish for my answers, then you will define who they are being given to and for what purpose.

A reasonable exchange.

[It's tough being new...]

text; un: metrop_lois

[metrop_lois]

1. Eh, first time for everything.
2. Something edible between two slices of bread. Now what kind of sandwich is a whole different adventure.
3. Who knows~.
4. I am not getting into this again.
5. Absolutely.
6. Well generally it's very ease to discern a dead person from a not-dead person.
7. Sure. You never said I couldn't cover it with something first.
8. Nothing is certain but I'd rather try than not try. I'm not exactly losing out by trying here.
9. Me obviously.
10. Eat ramen on the roof of the Daily Planet with the people I love.

[unaliveyourself]

[Oh, he likes this person. They sound like someone who doesn't take themselves entirely too seriously, like an unreasonable amount of people here, honestly.]

1. do report back with your findings, adventurous friend! ♥
2. only bread? what about an ice cream sandwich? are cookies bread?
3. ooh, mysterious! i appreciate that in a person~
4. :(
5. oh my. do you have your eye on anyone special here?
6. generally! but this world has a habit of making matters more complicated, you see. i've met at least two individuals who distinctly recall having died back home, and a third who was murdered here and came back to life.
7. got me there! for the sake of argument, though, would you still do it without the cover?
8. allow me to rephrase the question, then. do you believe echo's intentions are genuinely benevolent, or at least harmless?
9. points for being bold and confident! but i am afraid i'm contractually obligated to insist on a picture. the universal hot or not rules demand it.
10. intriguing choice for a last meal! what's the daily planet?

[metrop_lois]

[A day or so later:]

1. Not bad! The pineapple goes pretty well with the ham and the tomato sauce to be honest. But you're also talking to someone who has had pineapple grilled soooo.
2. Okay amend that, I wasn't thinking of desserts. I mean cookies are made out of nearly the same stuff as bread, just no yeast. I think?
3. Good on you for appreciating a good mystery! I usually like solving them but now and then it's nice to leave one or two unsolved, like this one~.
4. [No seriously, she's skipping this one. Someone in the office is bound to pronounce this with a 'j'.]
5. Unfortunately no. Now bring my boyfriend here and we'll talk.
6. Terrific, that's EXACTLY what I wanted to start worrying about. Personally I'm not dead and I can think of more people I want alive than dead though.
7. Absolutely not. Money definitely helps but I'm not getting some disease for it.
8. I don't exactly BELIEVE it but that's mostly because it hasn't given me proof. I'm a skeptic at heart you see. To be fair though I'm not sure what kind of proof I would need to believe it either. I've met benevolent robots before but their actions were proof in my eyes. A little naive and trusting maybe but someone I trust a lot trusted them too.
9. [Insert picture here.]
10. It's where I work ... or worked anyhow. The building is already here but it's kind of big for just me to roam around in.

un: castiel | text

[messenger]

1. I don't know.
2. To place (an item) physically between two other items.
3. Yes.
4. Are you talking about Gif-sur-Yvette?
5. Why would you use explosives?
6. There was another version of me, from a separate timeline, who was dead. His Dean was dead, also. I knew before coming to Etraya.
7. No.
8. The heat-death of the universe is a very real problem. But whether or not Echo can do anything about it, if that is the issue here, remains to be seen. And if that's not the issue... Well. There's no guarantee of anything, is there?
9. The dragon, probably.
10. Imbibe copious amounts of alcohol.

How did you learn that the last mission wasn't completed?

[unaliveyourself]

[ohhh castiel, you always do take things so literally.]

i asked her, of course
one has to follow up on payment in situations like this, after all

at any rate, i understand you've been away from earth for 2000 years but the fact that you've been back among us for months now without having had pizza or watched love actually is a travesty and cannot be allowed to stand

we're doing movie night, whereupon you will deliver your official opinion on whether pineapple as a pizza topping is blasphemy or not

[this is not a request.]

[messenger]

Oh

I've eaten pizza. But pineapple isn't a blasphemy in any state.

"Love" is a movie?

[ when you don't use any punctuation at all, things become that much more confusing! ]

un: chuwenshan

[nobraincell]

1. I don't know what these are
2. If you tell me it's a sandwich it's probably a sandwich
3. Not that I can tell
4. Like gift?
5. I don't know what this means
6. We're alive.
7. Maybe
8. If they're lying then why are we here?
9. I have a pretty high natural body temperature
10. See how many people I could carry out of it

[unaliveyourself]

at this rate, you guys are going to make me have to do a psa about pizza, movies, and modern slang! unbelievable.

you're joining castiel-san and i. pick a day.

[castiel hasn't even said yes to movie night yet, but this does not deter dazai, alright. he cannot be stopped in this endeavor. watch him bring poptarts and insist they are sandwiches. hashtag radical sandwich anarchy.

...Meanwhile, he's mentally noting down this guy's reactions to #8 and #10. This is a more simple-minded sort of person, clearly, which mind wind up being a liability down the line, but could also be incredibly useful if things are framed in the right way for him. An ace to keep up his sleeve, if nothing else.]

[nobraincell]

What is a psa...
Tuesday?

[Chu Wenshan will absolutely believe that poptarts are sandwiches. He is! The most simpleminded!!]

UN: @brainsnatcher | text

[fillme]

lol no idea what ur talkin about [he just got here, after all,] but this looks fun so if it helps!!

1. never tried
2. bread, stuff, bread
3. too soon to tell.... been curious abt that
4. the way its written????
5. boombox for sure
6. ....ummm...... someone i know.. i know cuz i saw his body
7. DUH
8. thats hard... i hope its not true.. but cuz its hard to verify it seems like thatd be a good way to mass manipulate ppl. but on the other hand its wild we're all here when we got angels n stuff runnin around so its possible ): i hope theres any savin em if its true tho
9. not enough data LOL... so. me
10. ......uh...too embarrassin to say

[unaliveyourself]

there was a charming young lady who appeared last month promising us supposedly important information on our circumstances here ... so long as we all provided dirt on each other to her, first.

[Is he answering the implied question this time because this person answered his first? Absolutely. Is he doing it publicly specifically to be petty about it? 100%. Suck it, DarkPriest ♥]

1. hmmmm, never thought about it, or refuse on principle?

[answer carefully, or dazai will press gang you into pineapple-on-pizza movie night as well.]

2. what if the container of the stuff isn't bread? If you put ice cream between two cookies, what have you made?

3. me too! if you discover anything interesting, let me know, hmm? i'll do the same~

4. that's the trouble with english though, isn't it? you can never truly rely on how something is spelled. for instance you need to use an entirely different sound to describe a gray garden goose than a generous gentle giant, despite the fact that all of those words use the same leading consonant. so it begs the question which one was intended for gif!

[He doesn't comment directly on the next few, but regarding #6 specifically? Rest assured, Dazai will remember this.]

8. it does seem like a convenient way to manipulate people, doesn't it?especially when all you need to ensure compliance is fear of a hypothetical that might not even exist.

or perhaps they want to see who would be defiant even in the face of such compelling reason to comply, mmm? food for thought!

10. oho? now you've gone and done it. everyone who sees this is going to start imagining wild and salacious things! i'm sure it can't be thaaaaat bad~

[fillme]

oh. wow. thats dirty lol

1. i aint rly seen that where im from, thats all! id try it!

2. OH …DAMN!!! that’s a good point….. thats definitely a sandwich….. but isnt a cookie still a sorta bread product??? kinda?

4. well. english is my worst subject lol…

8. ooooh maybe! lol maybe we’re just a bunch of bugs in a jar to em and theres no consequence neither which way an theyre just havin fun

10. LET EM!! it is that bad. and anyway people imaginin wild […and whatever that other thing Dazai said] things is watcha want, aint it? great for gossip

un: 010310 | text

[ivan]

1. What's pineapple?
2. I can't.
3. Yes.
4. Gee-Eye-Eff.
5. [ considering ivan has no knowledge of this american film classic, he parses this one the best he can. ] I'm "actually" in love, but I don't know if I would do that. That's a little too entertainer-like, I think it might go over badly.
6. I'm dead for real, as far as I know.
7. So long as it's guaranteed.
8. I don't know.
9. Till.
10. My world has been gone for a long time, now. I'd like to focus on my universe, instead.


[ the reply itself comes at about 5:45AM. some of these are answered genuinely, some are not! ]

[unaliveyourself]

[Man. There's something a little bit fascinating about the level of overlap all these worlds seem to have in many respects, and then the number of people who aren't familiar with certain things he's come to take for granted.]

alright then, you're coming to movie and pizza night as well. what's your name?

[This is important. He cannot let his shitposts go lacking in context for so many people. It's unacceptable.]

i do have a couple followup questions, though.
how did you die? and what do you mean your world has been gone a long time?

voice, un: qqqqq

[redheadedstepdad]

I need a... what's it called? The thing in books where you get words and their meanings. But I've licked doorknobs for a beer.

voice;

[unaliveyourself]

[Obligingly, Dazai does switch to audio. However, the tradeoff is that you get to hear a very distinctly petulant, almost peevish whine.]

You too? That's practically the majority of you in here, now! I really will have to get a lot of pizza from the Qwik Stop, it seems.

[Good thing everything's free!!! Not that he wouldn't have found a way to weasel out of paying for it all if it wasn't.]

[redheadedstepdad]

[ A youth! One that reminds him vaguely of a certain petulant friend of his. Shanks sounds older and weirdly British. ]

I'm struggling with "gif", boombox, and "love actually."

[ He pronounces gif with a hard G. ]

un: ashen

[wolfish]

At least make a game of it, this reads like homework.

[ Come now, we can do better!

Though it's a jest. Half one, at least. ]

[unaliveyourself]

[Wow, excuse you, his delightfully irreverent questions are way more fun than homework!! Not that Dazai has ever been to school or done homework a day in his life. Ahem.]

hmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMM!!
tell you what, i'll make you a deal.
we'll play 2 truths and a lie with them, but here's the catch, you really do have to tell the truth for at least two out of every three. the game wouldn't be fair otherwise.

[wolfish]

[ Alas, this medieval man has had homework before. Not for some time now though.

But hmm... Hm! He plays his cards close to the chest, so... ]

That's a lot of information to toss out into this very public forum, don't you think? How about we reverse that: I'll give you two lies and a truth. More challenging to decide where the fact is, I'd say.

text | un: mason

[ingestion]

you sure love asking questions. I guess I'm feeling more cooperative this time around...

1. do you like pineapple on pizza?
- yes, I'm trash.

2. define 'sandwich'
- anything with bread and meat that isn't a hot dog.

3. has being here affected your powers in any way?
- no comment.

4. how do you pronounce gif?
- with a 'j'

5. would you confess your love with a boombox and cue cards like in love actually?
- I've never confessed my love to anyone but no, seems lame.

6. are you or anyone you know here dead in your own world? how can you be sure?
- I know someone is because I saw his dead body.

7. would you lick a doorknob in a public bathroom for a million dollars?
- sure, money first

8. do you truly believe our worlds are in danger, or that echo will save any of them?
- no comment

9. who's the hottest person in etraya?
- I am.

10. if your world was to be destroyed but you could spend one last day there, what would you do?
- it depends on if I got taken back in current day or somehow was able to go back in time.

sorry for the delay, i got stuck on some of these tags for a bit lkjsdfa

[unaliveyourself]

you know, for someone who chose so many of the chaotic options here, i'm surprised the love actually confession is where you draw the line. which part ruins it for you? i'm curious.

but if you're going to say you're the hottest person in etraya, i will be needing some supporting evidence! you have some competition with lois-chan and brainsnatcher-kun after all. i've heard that such things can be decided by wrestling in jello, for instance. i would be honored to preside over such a tournament, if you were to hold it. ♥

as for the last, assume you could tailor it to your ideal.