un: Dankovsky | video

[thantagonist]

[Daniil posts live from a café near the museum. He has no patience for typing responses, and his own visage should explain why. His nose has recently been broken and reset. He looks exhausted and irritated, but he has a duty.]

I need a couple people to come down to the café near that absurd museum with the sewn up fruit exhibits. Bring a stretcher, we have a patient who could use some more urgent treatment.

[From somewhere offscreen, a voice that is distinctly not Daniil’s states:] This Etrayan shot me in an attempt to get information I did not possess. I would appreciate his removal from my presence.

Now- That’s not true at all. That is not the reason you were stopped. [Daniil now regrets making a video, but what’s done is done. ]

Comments

[thantagonist]

I am continually being misunderstood! Men, women, children, it doesn’t matter. Everyone just worries about the emotions of women. I have no issue with women. But feelings just get in the way when a difficult problem needs to be solved. I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m not a brute.

[p2iioniic]

ii am goiing two giive you a hot tiip ii learned after haviing two deal with you human2 for over an earth year now.
all of you are very emotiional.
liike iit'2 makiing ME look liike a 2toiic 2omehow.
whiich iif my dead friiend2 could hear me 2ay that, they would be rolliing 2o fa2t iin theiir grave2 they could power a generator through 2heer kiinetiic energy alone.

but becau2e ii am 2omehow determiined two help you 2top 2hootiing your2elf metaphoriically iin the foot (lol).
you human2 and your complex relatiion2hiip2 wiith gender have made your own conver2atiion2 a fuckiing miinefiield.
drop the "giirl" and "women" thiing when talkiing two or about them.
2ame for "boy."
iif you are even remotely tryiing two be re2pectful, ju2t u2e theiir name2.
iif you're tryiing two iin2ult them, then go ahead and keep doiing that.



ii am goiing two giive you a hot tiip ii learned after haviing two deal with you human2 for over an earth year now.
all of you are very emotiional.
liike iit'2 makiing ME look liike a 2toiic 2omehow.
whiich iif my dead friiend2 could hear me 2ay that, they would be rolliing 2o fa2t iin theiir grave2 they could power a generator through 2heer kiinetiic energy alone.

but becau2e ii am 2omehow determiined two help you 2top 2hootiing your2elf metaphoriically iin the foot (lol).
you human2 and your complex relatiion2hiip2 wiith gender have made your own conver2atiion2 a fuckiing miinefiield.
drop the "giirl" and "women" thiing when talkiing two or about them.
2ame for "boy."
iif you are even remotely tryiing two be re2pectful, ju2t u2e theiir name2.
iif you're tryiing two iin2ult them, then go ahead and keep doiing that.

[thantagonist]

[He knows he’s emotional. Sensitive, even. But there was a long list of self-destructive activities he’d rather do than admit it in any meaningful way. He’d rather label anything sensitive to his feelings as proper societal rules of politeness than be a little more honest.]

Very well. I’ll take that under advisement.

[Daniil considered himself a very progressive sort, so it was nothing short of embarrassing to be the regressive one in the room.]

Any other wisdom from beyond the boundaries of our species that we’re apparently blind to?

[p2iioniic]

[ Oh great troll kid, grand us your insight: ]

all of you need two be on a lot more drug2.

[ Bad insight. ]

but yeah that'2 iit mo2tly.
you're fiine otherwii2e.



all of you need two be on a lot more drug2.

but yeah that'2 iit mo2tly.
you're fiine otherwii2e.

[thantagonist]

There are instances I could agree with that.

What’s your prescription advisement? I could give a second opinion.

[p2iioniic]

2edatiive2.
for all of you.
ii 2leep iin them every niight and that'2 why ii'm not a rampagiing lunatiic 24/7.
you guy2 are out here rawdoggiing iit.



2edatiive2.
for all of you.
ii 2leep iin them every niight and that'2 why ii'm not a rampagiing lunatiic 24/7.
you guy2 are out here rawdoggiing iit.

[thantagonist]

I’m inclined to agree on some level, though humans get addicted to substances very easily. And addicts don’t really do much else but chase that spiral.

What do you mean you sleep in them?

[p2iioniic]

mu2t be an etrayan problem.
we have a whole piile of cocaiine here and everyone'2 normal about iit.

[Is he fucking with Daniil or is he being honest? Schrödinger's trolling.]

ii mean ii 2leep iin a vat of 2oporiifiic liiquiid every day when ii go two 2leep.
iit'2 very re2tful you 2hould try iit.


mu2t be an etrayan problem.
we have a whole piile of cocaiine here and everyone'2 normal about iit.

[Is he fucking with Daniil or is he being honest? Schrödinger's trolling.]

ii mean ii 2leep iin a vat of 2oporiifiic liiquiid every day when ii go two 2leep.
iit'2 very re2tful you 2hould try iit.

[thantagonist]

You must be joking. Where is it? If it’s real, I’d really like some as a topical anesthetic. It could be invaluable for what’s to come.

That sounds like a metaphor but something tells me you’re being incredibly literal. Soporific liquid. Sounds troublesome to clean, or like a drowning risk at minimum.

[ Daniil would love to take a sopor slime nap, aside from the slime component. That part sounds awful. ]

[p2iioniic]

ii can't tell you where iit ii2.
you 2ee, ii've heard human get addiicted two 2ub2tance2 very ea2iily.
2orry daniiiil but iit'2 for your own good.

iit'2 not really that me22y iif you ju2t do iit riight.
and iif 2omeone drown2 iin theiir own recuperacoon that'2 on them lmao.



ii can't tell you where iit ii2.
you 2ee, ii've heard human get addiicted two 2ub2tance2 very ea2iily.
2orry daniiiil but iit'2 for your own good.

iit'2 not really that me22y iif you ju2t do iit riight.
and iif 2omeone drown2 iin theiir own recuperacoon that'2 on them lmao.

[thantagonist]

Oh come on, you can tell me. I’m responsible. Of all people to trust, it should be me. I’m not an ordinary human.

How do you do it right? As if I’m imminently going to need to know how to do this.

[p2iioniic]

oh yeah?
what make2 you 2o 2peciial?
your abiiliity two infuriiate your fellow human2 wiith a 2iingle bullet?

2tep one: cliimb up to the top.
2tep two: 2liide iin.
2tep three: 2leep.
2tep four: wake up, climb out, towel off.
you'd have two be a real 2lob to get thii2 wrong.



oh yeah?
what make2 you 2o 2peciial?
your abiiliity two infuriiate your fellow human2 wiith a 2iingle bullet?

2tep one: cliimb up to the top.
2tep two: 2liide iin.
2tep three: 2leep.
2tep four: wake up, climb out, towel off.
you'd have two be a real 2lob to get thii2 wrong.

[thantagonist]

I’m a doctor. A licensed professional. That’s what’s do special about me.

Oh please, everyone can infuriate with a single bullet. I found have aimed much worse, and then everyone would be upset. Do you think anything happens if someone kills him? I suppose not, that’s the whole purpose of making him human, right? They wanted him vulnerable.

So… just like wiping water off, then?

[p2iioniic]

2how me your liicen2e.
you 2urely have iit on you, riight.
paper2, plea2e.

ii don't thiink anythiing happen2 iif we kiill him.
or maybe that guy who made hiim human would be pii22ed off 2iince he 2peciifiically diidn't kiill hiim 2o maybe he liike2 ca2tor.
maybe we 2HOULD kiill ca2tor ju2t two get 2cylla off that fucka22 tower whiich would make hiim ea2iier for u2 to collectiively jump hiim.

yeah except not gro22 liike water.


2how me your liicen2e.
you 2urely have iit on you, riight.
paper2, plea2e.

ii don't thiink anythiing happen2 iif we kiill him.
or maybe that guy who made hiim human would be pii22ed off 2iince he 2peciifiically diidn't kiill hiim 2o maybe he liike2 ca2tor.
maybe we 2HOULD kiill ca2tor ju2t two get 2cylla off that fucka22 tower whiich would make hiim ea2iier for u2 to collectiively jump hiim.

yeah except not gro22 liike water.

[thantagonist]

My papers? Ha, fine. It’s not my degree, but here. My travel document.

[He figures out the camera function easily enough and sends a combination printed and handwritten document with a black and white photograph of Daniil held by the corners. The information is written in cursive and the document is otherwise stamped and housed in a booklet. It lists his full name, marital status, birthdate, occupation, sex, residence. The photo is couple years old.]

I do have to wonder why he didn’t kill Castor when he seems keen on lobbing all of us into the meat grinder.

Sorry, how is water gross? Has all the water you’ve ever had been contaminated?

[p2iioniic]

wow you actually 2howed me them.
you are 2o lucky that there'2 no poiint iin 2tealiing your iidentiity here.

thiink about iit.
why would he hate u2, but not ca2tor?
we're out2iider2.
ca2tor'2 "from" here.

full of pii22y fii2h ii2 why.



wow you actually 2howed me them.
you are 2o lucky that there'2 no poiint iin 2tealiing your iidentiity here.

thiink about iit.
why would he hate u2, but not ca2tor?
we're out2iider2.
ca2tor'2 "from" here.

full of pii22y fii2h ii2 why.

[thantagonist]

What could you even do with my papers? If you want my job, I’ll let you have a crack at it.

I suppose we are outsiders. Most importantly, perhaps, the AI are Echo’s creations. I think he may have some fondness for them.

You don’t eat fish? You can drink the water too, though it’s really best to drink treated water.

[p2iioniic]

ii'd get iintwo your bank account and iinve2t all your money iintwo crypto.
ala2.
no crypto here.

that'2 2o moroniic two thiink about.
"here'2 my 2tupiid robot chiildren who ii made iidiot2 on purpo2e and now they can't even take care of the other people ii kiidnapped."

oh ii eat fii2h.
wiink wiink.
no waiit you won't get iit nevermiind.
anyway yeah no ii don't driink water.



ii'd get iintwo your bank account and iinve2t all your money iintwo crypto.
ala2.
no crypto here.

that'2 2o moroniic two thiink about.
"here'2 my 2tupiid robot chiildren who ii made iidiot2 on purpo2e and now they can't even take care of the other people ii kiidnapped."

oh ii eat fii2h.
wiink wiink.
no waiit you won't get iit nevermiind.
anyway yeah no ii don't driink water.

[thantagonist]

I don’t know what crypto is, but if you wanted the money from my bank you would need to go there in person. And I’m afraid they simply would not mistake us. I doubt you could accurately forge my signature either.

That is an interesting point. Did he make them stupid because it was the extent of his powers? Or did he get these from someone else? It truly reeks of someone requisitioning a piece of equipment that they have no experience with, if I may be so blunt.

I shudder to think what fish could be a euphemism for.

But I brought you a bottle of soda water. What did you mean to have?

[p2iioniic]

oh ii diidn't realiize you were old tiimey.

ii'm down wiith thii2 theory.
explaiin2 why they're all 2o weiird.
they're liike repurpo2ed offiice chaiir2.
and you guy2 got the niice one.
and we got the one with all the gum 2tuck two the bottom.

now'2 the tiime for me two come clean.
ii totally diidn't driink that 2oda water.
ii hiid iit in a cabiinet 2o you wouldn't know ii didn't driink iit.

ii wanted liike real 2oda.
anything wiith "hiigh fructo2e corn 2yrup."



oh ii diidn't realiize you were old tiimey.

ii'm down wiith thii2 theory.
explaiin2 why they're all 2o weiird.
they're liike repurpo2ed offiice chaiir2.
and you guy2 got the niice one.
and we got the one with all the gum 2tuck two the bottom.

now'2 the tiime for me two come clean.
ii totally diidn't driink that 2oda water.
ii hiid iit in a cabiinet 2o you wouldn't know ii didn't driink iit.

ii wanted liike real 2oda.
anything wiith "hiigh fructo2e corn 2yrup."

[thantagonist]

[And his handwritten ID card and black and white photo wasn’t enough of a tip off? ]

They’re probably farm or military equipment. Maybe even something for colonization. Intended to build out a large area with more direct supervision or input from someone.

Real soda-

Oh, yes! Wait, I had one of these: A soda fountain drink. You wanted a Coca-Cola? You know they hardly have any cocaine in them anymore. Gave me the jitters. Bracingly sweet.

[p2iioniic]

[ maybe daniil's a larper okay. ]

2o ca2tor'2 liike a tractor and unequiiped two take care of u2 becau2e we're liike piigeon2 and he ha2 made no biird feeder2.
thii2 metaphor ii2 gettiing away from u2.

oh well ii ju2t add my own cocaiine iin.
from you know.
the huge cocaiine piile.

[ He does not, but he's going to keep bringing it up as a joke. ]



2o ca2tor'2 liike a tractor and unequiiped two take care of u2 becau2e we're liike piigeon2 and he ha2 made no biird feeder2.
thii2 metaphor ii2 gettiing away from u2.

oh well ii ju2t add my own cocaiine iin.
from you know.
the huge cocaiine piile.

[ He does not, but he's going to keep bringing it up as a joke. ]

[thantagonist]

The metaphor has already gotten away, it’s passing into poetry and I simply cannot abide by poetry.

Okay so you won’t tell me where it is but I can make some deductions. It has to stay dry. Ideally sterile? How much cocaine are we talking about?

[p2iioniic]

eheheheh.
yeah poetry 2uck2.

oh ok let'2 make a game of iit.
you're riight iit need2 two 2tay dry.
two feet long, two poiint three feet wiide.
180 iinche2 deep.
ii'm 2ure you beiing the 2marty pant2 dr you are can fiigure out the volume iin cubiic feet.


eheheheh.
yeah poetry 2uck2.

oh ok let'2 make a game of iit.
you're riight iit need2 two 2tay dry.
two feet long, two poiint three feet wiide.
180 iinche2 deep.
ii'm 2ure you beiing the 2marty pant2 dr you are can fiigure out the volume iin cubiic feet.

[thantagonist]

I can’t believe you’re making me do this in imperial with a decimal and mixed measurements like that. Whatever.

2 feet long-
2.3 feet wide?
180 inches deep?

Fine. It’s 24 inches long, 27.6 inches wide, and 180 inches deep. The decimal makes me think that you either didn’t measure all that accurately, or you should have just used metric, because you have me talking about 119,232 square inches of cocaine, which is an utterly meaningless dimension to me. … Or it’s 69 cubic feet.

Drugs, including cocaine, are typically measured in weight or some volume that doesn’t make my skin itch.

Unless this is just what houses the cocaine- Then let’s make it less horrible. This is 61 cm by 70 cm by 457 cm.

The first thing that comes to mind is some sort of pipe. But a pipe typically has a regular circumference. 4.5 meters is too long to be most household surfaces. That’s a very strange size for any sort of dumpster, as well.

Is it housed entirely outdoors in this container, or within another room?